Another Day... Another Page... Another Chapter...

It is the year of the 'Dragon-Horse-Spirit'!

2012-01-28T00:15:00.003+08:00

Have been doing a lot of house-keeping on my own life recently.
This is very good.
Packing of old things. Throwing away unwanted stuff.
Asking myself what I want to do long-term for the rest of my life.
And praying a simple prayer to God that He will answer this daughter's sincere prayer to have an abundant and fulfilling life.

In Feb, there's gonna be a few major changes in my life that's gonna be real exciting.
Getting my final exam results. Really really hope I will pass all. Praying hard.
Going forward to my new job. Really want it to be a good one. Giving it one year at least. If prospect are good, I will stay. Else, the max is 1.5 years there I guess.
Next, am aiming to get driving license before July. So I can drive in UK!
And importantly, really need to settle down in a stable church in which I can really grow in long term. It will also be a place I can serve and contribute in a meaningful way. Already have a church in mind, so prayerfully there will be confirmation.
Not forgetting, I want to run a half marathon before the end of this year. When there's a will, there's a way. It's a personal goal I have to push my limits.
If there's still time & money to squeeze out, will also take up dance courses!

This is the year I am setting out to achieve all the goals I have been thinking about for a long time. Great!

Another goal I have this year is I want to ask God to transform my mind and emotions more and more. A lot of old patterns of thinking and negative emotions still clouded at times, taking away the victory. So this year, I am praying for breakthrough in my thoughts and emotions. Everything starts in the mind. Lord, may you take control of my mind and give me a victorious life!

Christmas 2011

2011-12-24T13:32:00.003+08:00

It was a poor year. Financially poor, although rich in Christ.
This year, decided not to engage in much Xmas shopping.
Only got gifts for a few important people who have blessed my life so much.
The rest, I will just write cards.

A thanksgiving for this year is that R*** decided to visit church with me.
As a few people pray with me for her, I am thankful she leaves the service with a good impression of Christianity.
She can feel the closeness in the church, unlike the muslim community.
I know somehow she can feel God even though she still has things in her life that hinders her now.

After that, I caught a movie 'New Year's Eve' with her and it was one great movie!

New Year's Eve is a time to reflect, to forgive, to let go of regrets and worries.
To embrace what is to come.
To do things we never thought we will.
To love freely.
Indeed, New Year's Eve is special.
I want every year's new year's eve to be special.

Sometimes once in a while, someone special came along to make your day special.
To make you feel important.
To make you feel extraordinarily special and important.
It is not everyday and every year however that this always happens.
It will be good if one day I can have a special someone I know I will always feel special with, and whom I will always hold specially in my heart.

And till the day I know who is that special someone, I know that I shall always hold God specially in my heart.
Trusting God to bring that special someone to my life in his special time.
And indeed God, you have to be especially obvious in bringing this special someone.
So obvious that I wouldn't miss.

Relationships are sweet and special.
My Xmas wish for this year is that myself and all my beloved LG mates will find a special someone by next Xmas.
Amen! =)

Dilemma

2011-10-04T11:15:00.003+08:00

Piang...! My blog died and resurrected suddenly today!

Been so caught up with work overwhelming.
It never seem to end really.
One after another.
One task after another.
One more responsibility after another.
One more problem after another.
New staff come and go.
Everyday went through like a blink of an eye.

Is this the life I have always wanted?
I really wonder.
I thought life is sometimes meant to be like a fairytale.
Roses are always red.
There is always something to smile about, to be happy about.
The harsh reality is...
Frustrations, deadlines, shocks.
Well, but thank God that I have a good boss.
Enjoyed working with her thoroughly.
Thank God my colleagues are still considered not bad.
They are a great bunch of people.
No glitz and glamor in my job.
Just hard work and more hard work.
Headache and more headache.

Do I want to switch job?
Yes and No.
Yes because I want an industry with more glitz and glamor.
Yes because I want to be inspired everyday with cool stuff at work.
But.
No because I cant bear to leave.
I can be myself here.
I always have my colleagues to make me laugh when the going gets tough.
Hmmm.
To leave or not to leave?

The questions of a dilemma.

Proverbs 16:9

2011-08-06T10:51:00.004+08:00

Having a very busy 4-5 months lately.
Been caught up with working non-stop day in day out.
Such that I lost touch with a lot of people in my life.
*feeling kinda country cave suddenly*
Am thankful for those constant faithful friends in my life though.
Chance upon a journal entry I wrote more than 200 days ago in the beginning of the year which states God's promises and calling for me.
Am thankful once again for He answered my prayers regarding the area of my vocation calling.
Have seen how He blessed the work I do, and brings much glory because I am doing what He made me to do!
I really wonder why is it that God chooses to bring such a loooong delay to His promises sometimes.
Is it that He is trying to teach me something?
Perhaps it is to trust more in Him,
Desperately wanting His promises more,
Or simply learning to wait on Him.
Either of these all, He definitely made me trust more in His timing.
His timing is weird to me.
Very weird because I felt His timing is always super late.
But what can I say, He is God, I am not.
So, let it be then.

In his heart, a man plans his course,
But the Lord determines the step.
- Proverbs 16:9

I wish that He will reveal more of the future to me.
Yet, will it really be for my benefit?
Perhaps not.
Living each day by itself is full of uncertainty, but it also brings a kind of expectation as in, 'what is God going to do today?' kind of thing.

For example, how would I know that He would allow me to fall sick 2 days before one of my most impt exam, and allow me to end up in A&E for 4 hours? I can say I have really tried my best to take care of my health, but I still fall sick.
In the end, I am graduating next year.
Sounds kinda sad but...
I now have the option of going to UK for graduation.
And it means I can finally fulfill my dreams of going overseas by myself for studies purposes.
If not for this incident, I probably will never go overseas for study purposes.
And thank God there is one familiar face going with me - Charlie Koh.
And potentially 2 more wonderful gal friend - Joelle & Sarah.

Right now, my focus is really on bringing glory to God through the work I do.
May the rest of the things fade away!

Seriously...............................

2011-07-03T17:59:00.004+08:00

Seriously seriously seriously, it sucks to go through July 2011.

School-
2 final exams. 1 sub-paper exam. 1 fyp presentation. 1 fyp report.
Work-
Prep for August mega exhibition of the year. Website total revamp.

B***** h***!!!!!
How am I going to cope?!
I really think I am going into a temperamental foul mood swing this month.
If it is just going to be me, I will be complaining, negative, and everything rubbish....
It's God's grace if I am going through it peaceful, calm & positive.
God, help me...

Life's quote:
At the times when you least expected it, someone walks into your life and lift you up.
It always always always happens.

If I could live again...

2011-06-29T11:06:00.003+08:00

If I could live again from aged 15,
I would take more risks.
I would jump straight to do marketing at a younger age.

I would love those I love more.
I would spend more time with those I love and fear less.

I would live even more fuller in life.
I would decide to be happier and dwell on discouragement lesser.

I would spend more time cultivating my interests.
I would master my piano and guitar skills.

But I am not that old, so I will live life again.

Letting God choose is perhaps the best thing I can do for myself.
Letting God direct my career paths, my friendships, my relationships.
Letting God take control of my time and my finance.
Trusting God to make the best of everything.
Knowing my feelings and my emotions are not a good indicator of circumstances.
Letting the peace of God to fill my heart is better.

I live my life again today.
Knowing my God is the Alpha and the Omega.
He knows my life from beginning to the end.

Whatever lar.

2011-06-08T13:58:00.002+08:00

Typing away in the office.

Feeling near and far.
Out of touch with reality sometimes.
Out of sync with my peers.
While the world moves on.
And I am stuck working & studying.
What to do?
I am living in the present, but out of sync with my peers.
How great can it be...?

Time Flies like mad

2011-05-31T10:50:00.002+08:00

Time really flies like mad.

Good or bad?

Good when I am in office, the pace of work is so damn fast, time flies like nobody's business. I am busy doing what I love and enjoy. Good because I have no time to waste. Good because I have no time to over-think too much about stuff (as I get pretty depressed if I have too much thinking time).

Bad because age is catching up.
Very fast.
Seriously, does it matter?
Well, if I keep a youthful heart, and a youthful mindset, I guess it doesn't really matter.

Time flies.

Like mad.

Busy busy months

2011-05-21T15:47:00.001+08:00

How time flies when one is busy!
In just a while, it is already May of year 2011!
Realized that my own blog (and facebook) as well is being abandoned for focusing on my work.
At least I don't think I abandoned my relationship with God, but I guess I took God for granted a lot of times.
Like just talking to God only once in a while, and neglecting to spend extended time with Him.
God, I am so busy, and sometimes tired.
It is erm, quite hard, really.
Anyways...no excuses, Amy!

The good thing about my work is, I have God-loving and God-fearing christian colleagues all around me.
Sure, they aren't perfect, and so am I.
But having them around sure spurs me and encourage me in my relationship with God.

Knowing no matter what situation and what I go through, God is with me through it all gives me much much assurance.

A few days ago in LG, I was feeling quite down and I don't wish to talk.
During P&W, I disappeared to toilet for a while, and I wasn't even able to P&W properly.
Talking to God, I felt really really unloved even in the midst of LG people.
I said, if I just sit there without doing anything, will you really show that you truly care for me?
I was quite amazed, 2 of the sisters noticed I was exceptionally quiet and asked how am I...
Though I said, I am ok, I am not.
It was then during sharing, C* said she used to say 'I am ok' when she is not.
And I realized she knows I am not.
Sometimes, people care but they just did not express it the way you expect.
I thank God for all these people who always show their care and concern for me.
I thank God most importantly for my mom.
Because she gets up early every single morning to prepare breakfast for me.
That is love at its best, isn't it?

Above all the things I treasure in my life, like my work, my mom, my sis, my stuff,
I want to treasure my God much more!

Trust

2011-02-15T09:21:00.001+08:00

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
- Proverbs 3:5-6

Wonder Why - Avalon

2011-02-15T00:01:00.001+08:00

Why, why, tell me do you wonder why
Some can look so hard and miss the truth
Some will stumble over it a hundred times
And never ever see the living proof

Well, there's a kind of love the world could never deny
Let everybody see it in our lives

The world will wonder why
If you and I will shine His light
And hearts will discover life when we decide
To let ours go
We've got to give it up
And live the love
That opened our eyes
Live your life
The world will wonder why

Why, why, someone try and tell me why
We would want it any other way
A heart could change before our very eyes
Well, I've seen the difference love can make

Where is the kind of love this world could never explain
It's time to live the gospel unashamed

repeat chorus

If we were living with a passion
What would be the reaction
I know a single heart can change the world
If we were loving with a strong love
Then their eyes would see
And the world might believe

repeat chorus

My Valentine :)

2011-02-14T23:43:00.002+08:00

In the past years, during Valentine's Day, I will feel something is missing.
Because everyone is with someone, except me.

This year, I don't have this feeling anymore.
Because I have so many loving people around me!
My colleagues, Hazirah, Fatimah, Jamal and Mr Foo are such awesome people!
Hazirah is the ever understanding one.
Fatimah is the rocker that rocks everything upside down at work (in a good way).
Jamal is funny.
Mr Foo is awesome! He is the inspiration at work!
Not forgetting Yaya too. She's my sweetie. Aww...

Besides, lovely sisters like Qiuyan never fails to sms a word of encouragement.
And Jasmine is the ever present leader who watches over in her own ways.
Not in an irritating or super-star inspirational way, but rather in a very wise way.

Besides, my MOTHER! Yeah!
And my aunt, who ask me to 'sleep early' when I sms her Happy Vday (how boring).

And also MDIS! For giving me Bs for HRM and USM modules, when I thought I would surely fail.

Yeah! The world rocks!
Because God is in it!

Happy Vday, God!

Slip ups

2011-02-08T09:09:00.003+08:00

Life is too short to make mistakes.
Whatever mistakes done in the past serves as a reminder that tml's decision should be a wiser one!

Regretted that big mistake in my life when I step down from that leadership position many years back.
Although it's too late to think about it now, it's not too late to start over again.
Lesson learnt: Don't be too negative. Must have faith in God.

Another mistake: Letting myself slip up and say Life Science is not for me.
Lesson Learnt: Never say impossible until I have given my best and seek all the help available.

When I am unable, God is able.
When I am weak, then He is strong.

Life of a Single

2011-01-21T03:18:00.002+08:00

My conclusion of the life of a single.

So free... Really very very very free.
I can do whatever I like, whenever I like, however I like.

The only problem is, a bit lonely sometimes.
That is about all.

When I go to work, it is not so lonely, because there is colleagues.
But then, there is office politics.
And where there is people, there is also some degree of unhappiness.

Still, I prefer to be attached.
Because I like company.
I love company.
Whatever kind of company it is.
I just love company.
Except for people who needs hell lot of attention, or needs to talk a lot about their problems.
Other than that, I love company.
Even silent company.
Yes, silence are golden sometimes.
Being silent, but knowing he/she is your friend.
I like this kind of friendship.

Of course, there are certain kind of friendship I would prefer.
Friends who know how to have fun.
And laugh at jokes.
And crack jokes.
And is objective enough.
Is caring.
Is real.
And most of all, able to have a real conversation, heart-to-heart one.
Plus doses of TLC every now and then.
Sound like the perfect bf.
Sound a lot like... I know who...

Finally finally

2011-01-20T23:57:00.003+08:00

Today I am feeling lazy, happy and lazyyyyy....

It's my leave day, yeays!
Well, after lazing in bed until 11am, I got up, but still refuse to get up completely.
Because my bed is damn comfortable lar.
Dunno what kind of brand this bed is, absolutely comfy. Cos not too hard and not too soft.
And it has got invisible hands to pull you to the bed, making you impossible to leave the bed.
That's why decided to revise in bed.
Bad decision, I know, but I don't care anyway.
I feel like I am living an Australian lifestyle.
Absolutely lazy!!!!

(yeay, but only for today. cos it's my off day.)

After that, spend the noon time lunching in front of tv, and laughing at the tv host, aunty lucy. he is damn funny.

In the afternoon, I finally made the trip to ICA to collect my passport.
It is cool lar. New biometric passport.
Had a short talk with the customer service officer.
She showed me a photo of her 2 boys.
Wah sey, she don't look like a mother.
Look young lor.
I must be like that also, if I ever have children.
Even no children or not married, also must be like that.

Reaching home, I watched tv abit, and eat my subway.
Sometimes when I watch tv, especially the couple shows, I like to observe what is it that makes a guy and a girl comes together.
Opposite attracts a lot, I realized.
She has something he doesn't has. She likes him.
He has something she doesn't has. He appreciates her.
They attract each other.
When I find my mr right, I want him to be funny, down-to-earth, and very protective.
Maybe it is just a female's instinct.
Maybe it is my instinct.

I rmbr coming across a young, innocent me when I was merely below 10 years old.
Father was clutching me and sister so tightly.
It was a lovely sight.
Nowadays, everytime I see him, he is always tired from all the work and he complains complains.
Sometimes, I pity him really.
But I don't know what to do.
Thank God really that he is still strong physically to work.
Perhaps even stronger than I thought he is.
Thank God one hundred times man!
Perhaps I just worry too much about him sometimes.
Never see him at home...

Anyways, in 2 months, I will finish my big exam hurdles and start looking for permanent.
Really hope to go into life science sales or some other things related to life science.
But I think I suck at sales... cannot lar...
Maybe I go do banking?
Dunno...
I should have just stick to life science degree no matter how tough initially.
Why so stupid take up a biz degree?
This is the most stupid mistake I ever make, and I don't ever want to make another stupid big mistake in my life again.

Means, I better find mr right, before I get married.
If not, I will marry mr wrong and suffer the rest of my life.
And also, I better work for something according to my personality fit and passion.
If not, I will suffer.

So, life goes on.
Mr right guy and right job is for me to discover.

And as for now, I need to study.
Boring yes. But I will go on.
Amy, you are one super persevering & diligent babe!
I am not a halfway give-up person. I will stick on.
No matter if I am discourage or bored.
I will go on, God is with me!

Family Day Out

2010-10-02T22:58:00.002+08:00

Today father came over to cook and spend the day together.
He showed us the photos he took when he went to Jok-Jark (whatever the spelling).
I am glad I have a happy father!
A tall, chunky, very loud and good-looking one indeed! =)
We had a good lunch, following which I asked father for help in choosing a new table.
Actually me and mother could easily get it done ourselves.
But I just asked father along.
In the end, he gave all sorts of advice and all... and some jokes. Lol!
Goody...it is good to have a father around.
Although most of the time he is not around.
Missed my father figure really.
One day per week with a father.
Ok lar. Good enough.
Anyway, God is also my heavenly father.

Happenings

2010-09-29T12:20:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was a good day.

Morning started with a round of interview at the Science Center.
First time in my life I had to wait 1 hour for the interviewers to come in.
Me and 4 other candidates waited for so long, and ended up chatting and became like long time friends. Haha!
The interviewers came in finally and the interview doesn't even seem like an interview at all... Just an introduction of the job scope.
And it lasted only 10 minutes? Crap.
Anyway, I got shortlisted. Yippee!

Later on in the evening, I had to sign the contract with Recruit Express, which represent Science Center.
I am really kind of glad as Science Center is a Science institution and is really where I would love to work in.

Evening was classes. And although I kind of don't enjoy the classes, I enjoy the friendship with Risa and Joelle. It kind of makes things much better. Mood gets so much better, really.

Even though lecturer was talking away, Ris and I were sms-ing away. How bad lar. But well, we haven't been catching up for ages.

After lecture, Joelle had to go to NTU, and so gave me a ride home. It was a long ride because we were kind of lost on the streets of Singapore, but we managed to find our way round finally. On the way back, we chatted a lot.
I really take my hats off Joelle. At 19 years old, she bought her own car. That really make my jaws drop.

So much for everything, I wanted to say sometimes, gals rule. Really.

But, I miss someone. It is not a girl.

In my life, I probably think of not more than 5 guys more than a day.
My God,
my own father,
and well,
him A (sensational),
him B (loved),
him C (well, good old chap).

Chuckles.

Whatever

2010-09-09T09:59:00.002+08:00

If I am freeking mad, I seriously don't care if I am a christian or not.
You deserve to be scolded, that's it.

End of Blog

2010-08-27T15:33:00.002+08:00

This whole blog is an emotional blog.
I think.

Sick of my blog.

The next blog I shall write...

Hmm...
Travel blog? Food blog? Exercise blog?

Since I went to Indonesia & Taiwan before, I should write a travel blog while I can.
Before dementia hits...

Fresh Start

2010-08-23T11:58:00.003+08:00

Thought of closing blog for a couple of reasons, but decided to re-open blog...

For the past 7 days, my whole life flashes before me.
As though God dig up many things in my past and place it before Him.
He did a whole surgery on it, as I lay before Him in his hospital.
The opening process is faced with trembling as it is difficult to come face to face with some things about myself, but I willingly do it.
Knowing the importance of it and how great it is to be set free after that.
Also thanks to dear sisters who've encouraged me along the way.
And he did wonderful things.
I am set free! :D

Inner healing and Deliverance.
Throne of Jesus.
Power of the Holy Spirit.
The Authority of Christ.
What used to be mere intellectual concepts are as real to me as my 10 fingers before me now.

I have to testify.
I tell others too!
But as I am still in the process of surgery uncompleted, perhaps it's better and wiser that I leave the perfect timing to God.

Times that I thought, God why don't you use another person? I am not as perfect, or eloquent.
But I did not choose Him. He choose me.
An apple tree with many fruits.
Not my work, but his work.

---

Also, I thank God for the wonderful ladies who opened up their life during the group work.

Ca* is unforgettable.
Her humor, realness and passion for God.
50 years old.
White and grey hair.
Bickering with husband.
A husband who love her despite it all.
Husband is cool too.
Climb mountain at his age. :)

Kr* is so sweet.
A life that shows God can give a second chance despite mistakes and disobedience.
And God still blesses so much.
With adorable young Z* who is 1 year old.

Ve*'s life makes people's jaw drop.
Beautiful young lady but traumatic past.
But God still reaches her.

BT who is 'bu qi yan', but a woman of strength.

And many many.

I am so grateful to God for bringing all these people into my life that I might learn from their life.
It is divine.
And even for Je*y who was with me through it all, so that we share this experience together that no one else will have. Thank God for sisters. Thank God for Je*y.

Laughter

2010-08-16T00:23:00.004+08:00

There is a difference between
Laughing at someone,
Laughing at a joke,
Laughing from the inside out,
Laughing at myself.
Whatever it is, laughter is good for the right reasons, I think.

A change of hair for a change of mood

2010-08-12T00:56:00.006+08:00

No mood to go for class...
Want to skip class...
But go home also boring.
Go class also boring.
So sucky!
So decided to cut hair...
Cut very very short.
Could be shorter, but decided to leave the bold step to the next time round.
Contemplated dying hair blonde, but can't.
I am supposed to work as part time tutor, so I can't scare my students.
Did brown blonde.
Okay, quite like it
Don't think it looks like hooker at all.
Probably a nerdy jap school girl maybe.
Whatever.

A change of hair, and a change of mood.

Why so bad mood oh my soul.
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God.
For I will yet praise Him.

My Smile

2010-08-10T13:10:00.002+08:00

Why does my smile seems to be brighter, and happier 4 years ago compare to today?

What happen to my believing heart, my child-like faith, my God-placed hope?
Is it because people caused my heart to be more skeptical thus it is more difficult to smile simply?
Is it because I failed to believe in God's plan and promises for me anymore?
Or is it due to 'old' age?

Why why why...
I haven't meet the sun face to face for ages.
I haven't 'played' for ages, had fun like I love it to be.
It rains everytime I wanted to.
I ended up in bed sleeping.
Thinking about things I don't want to.

ESPECIALLY GRUMBLING WHY AM I STILL DOING MY DEGREE WHEN I SHOULD HAVE GRADUATE BY NOW IF I HAVE LISTENED TO A*E AND TAKEN THAT ACCELERATED KAPLAN DEGREE WHICH TAKES ONLY 18 MTHS COMPARE TO STUPID MDIS DEGREE WHICH TAKES 36 MTHS AND A PAINFUL LOT OF TRAVELING, AND I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP EVERYTIME BUT KNOWING THIS WAY OUT IS OUT. AND HAVING LECTURERS WHO TALK SO MUCH THINGS I HAVE SIMPLY NOT MUCH INTEREST TO KNOW AND HAVE SIMPLY NO AVAILABLE OUTLET TO APPLY.
WHAT A DRAG! LIFE SIMPLY S*, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO WORK FULL TIME KNOWING THAT THIRD YEAR CONSISTS OF 70%, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO FLUNK ANYTHING. AND I AM SIMPLY NOT C* ENOUGH TO HANDLE BOTH FULL TIME WORK AND STUDIES. YET I AM SO WORRIED FOR MY CAREER LIFE THAT IT IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE PUT ON HOLD FOR ONE YEAR, AND HOW AM I GOING TO BE OF MARKET VALUE ONE YEAR LATER, I HAVE NO IDEA. GOD, TELL ME.

Don't forget I am the envy of other people who have simply no financial means to work part-time, so I ought to be thankful. I am lucky. You, Miss Amy Low is considered lucky. So you ought to smile now.

Heart.

2010-08-02T02:36:00.004+08:00

The human heart is a funny thing...

We hurt the ones who adore us.
We adore the ones who hurt us.
It is true to a certain extent.
I wish I was less emotional than I really am.

If life is meant to be lived, it is meant to be lived.
No wonder, it is ---.

I should defend the ones I love.

Today H**e helped to 'defend' me. Can sense it.
Almost choke on my laughter when I heard her call him 'the whitest guy'.
Almost melt when I saw the fb message.
Why did I not defend her when I saw the 'b*' who called her an old maid?
Hugged her.
Love her so much.
And also her hug brings so much warmth to me.
Especially when... obviously around.
Forgive & forget?
Yeap.

Remembered the friendship Pr*** extended.
Well, people accuse her. Quite a lot.
Why did I believe the people who accuse her?
I believe in Ja**.
Should I not also believe in Pr***?

As for A*e, all I can say is I gave my best.
She is much too ...
I decided I won't be affected by her comments.
Anyway, my conscious is clear.
I never talked about her behind her back.
Even when people talked negatively about her.
What else can I say?
I've even scolded my sis who attacked her for me.
Simple given up on her.

The whole 'group' of the ex-S?
Kind of sad all of them left.
More affected that they are disillusioned.
I can only say, I need my conviction from the Lord.

I will love T**g and S***y from my heart.
Even when extra pat***** is needed.

And the group in M?
Hmmm...
(zhe shi wo de xin zhong hua, xiang huan hui de xin zhong hua... bu zhi dao neng huan hui ma de xin zhong hua... xi wang neng shi xian de xin zhong hua... dan you mei yong qi mian dui de shi shi...ying wei... xin zhong de shi ji you wo ji zi ming bai... )

Actually........
The birds are crooking again... :)
I like to hear the birds crook.
When they say, follow your heart, you should follow your heart.

This is a post that only I understand.
Because it is not meant to be understood.
Ironically, the person who helped to trigger so much,
Is the person I hate to love. Gun needed please.

In 7 days...

2010-07-20T01:05:00.002+08:00

All 'hell' will break loose.
I am going sun tanning with Fen.
Catching Despicable Me with whoever, whatever.
Hitting the gym twice weekly.
And I so don't care, I haven't go Sentosa beach in ages, I am going with whoever, whatever.
And I am so going to go KTV for the first time since 2 years ago... Yes, since 2 years ago!
And I am so excited...

Except that I haven't found any khaki except Ah Fen.

Basically, whoever whatever.....

Being thankful for...

2010-07-18T00:46:00.003+08:00

What have I done to deserve such kindness, grace, acceptance, friendship from people?
None.
It is simply favor from God, I guess.

I hope the same will happen to my workplace in future.

Quotes to live by...

2010-07-14T02:42:00.002+08:00

Doing everything for God's glory not mine.

Don't compare myself with others. Compare myself with what God has planned for me.

I did not choose God. God choose me.

Do not be discourage or weary because the fruits will come. (Even though I have no idea how the fruits look like.)

Envision growing to be a blessing to others, just as God have blessed me.

Lastly, keep God's word in my heart daily, every moment, every second.

Laugh or cry?

2010-07-10T03:22:00.001+08:00

Live your life in such a way that when you enter, the world rejoices, and when you leave, the world cries.
(And not the other way round.)

I am not sure if I have done that for anyone, but I am thankful for someone who did that to me.
After this month, you will be deeply missed, friend.

vision.

2010-07-09T04:19:00.004+08:00

My Love?

2010-07-08T03:10:00.004+08:00

My conclusion after living for 25 years on earth?

Love story happens only in movies...
Like '50 First Dates', or 'Mr and Mrs Smith'.
But not really in real life.

Well... life's like this.
Perhaps I have absolutely no chemistry with guys whom I even slightly like.
Or maybe my interpersonal skills sucks? I don't think so, and I hope not.
Or maybe I have a look as scary as the nightmare before Christmas so the guys are scared away from me.
And I wonder why the guys I don't really like are always talking to me.
Hearing this from other people and now this is happening to me. Omg!

Either I become a bimbo / bitch and seduce guys... not a chance!
Or I wait until the cows come home for a love story to happen.

And I just keep getting amused looking at every single couple proposing to one another and getting married, and listen to their love story thereafter and keep wondering about mine.

Or maybe I can look at all the couples who ended up quarreling for life and be thankful I have none to fight with.

Anyways, life is not only about my love story isn't it.

Yeap, because I also have a love story with God that have yet to be completed.
I will be having a love story with a career I have yet to fall in love with.
I will be having a love story with a doggie I have yet to get.
(And I am so shocked that Ruth's jack russell is 8 year old... how time flies..)
I will be having a love story with myself, and I will fall in love with myself for being absolutely me.

Yes, I will fall in love with myself for being so true and honest with my own feelings before God, and only He knows exactly every single thing I go through.
Yes, I will fall in love with myself for giving my best shot in every thing I know of (not totally the best, but the best that I can give according to what I already know.)
Yes, I will fall in love with myself for totally submitting myself to God's will for my life as far as I can.
Yes, I will fall in love with myself for being totally absolutely nice to myself.

I guess I am totally in love with me now.
This is my love story. :D

Blog and Msn and Pressure

2010-07-06T02:53:00.004+08:00

Blogging is releasing and therapeutic for myself.

But conversing with fellow sister in Christ (the right one) over msn is even better.
Because it encourages me and we fellowship with one another.

It is not easy to find people with similar values, outlook in life, and similar passion in something.
If I find someone like that, I must treasure and grow the friendship.



2010-07-03T22:55:00.003+08:00

Nowadays I dunno what to be amused more by...
People's comments on fb,
or my very amusing iPhone applications..
Some people are really damn daring in whatever they write on fb... I am not that bold... Haha..
As for me and my iPhone, I really is falling in love with iPhone!
Can do online shopping and view gorgeous shoes and clothes online!!
Can download songs & songs & songs!

'stop calling stop calling, i don't wanna hear anymore...'
-telephone, that keeps on ringing...

Anyways, exams is still more impt..
Really screw up last term..
Was distracted, troubled, worried.

This term must pull up socks. 

In good mood...

2010-07-03T01:58:00.003+08:00

Thks to dear fellow classy-mates..

A*H for always standg up and speakg up, giving counsel necessarily.
R*R for being excellent in scoldg certain people, and funnily real.
K*L for showg empathy, kindness, maturity in thinking despite havg a tough life, alone yet maintaining a sense of dignity.
K*C for being real, straightforth & truly a 'sight'.
D*O for trying to be the best gentleman he can be, although really worned.

Appreciate them a bunch.
Life does not promise no troubles.
But it sure has its little ways to sweeten times up & invokes humorous moments!

Feeling.........

2010-07-02T01:28:00.007+08:00

Feeling...

sorry for a*dy again...
so sweet, today got kueh lapis in the fridge...
how many a*dy can there be in the world man?
sighz...

amused by the couple in the mrt...
there was a malay guy who propose his love to a girl front of me in the mrt train.
was sms-ing when it happens...
didn't know whether siam or what...
the guy so pai-sey...
the gal was most prob taken aback and chuckling to herself...
I was in the middle of it all...
so tried to make the atmosphere lighter by striking a general convo with them...

why is this happening to me man...?!

felt sorry for the guy, because he is so paisey, he hide his face at the mrt window.
thought the gal must be very flattered that someone did that to her, but she is so paisey that cannot talk anymore... poor gal...

if i am her, i will be too stunned for words too...
rmbr what my ldr did in the past when she ask this guy directly in front of me 'xx, you like Amy is it?'
i was so stunned i changed topic immediately...
firstly, it came too fast.
secondly, i wasn't even sure i know him that well...

so what to do in this kind of situation???

perhaps the guy shouldn't have done that in the mrt... not with a third party in between...

I would rather...

2010-07-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

Someone made me realized that...

I would rather score high on my walk with God and character, rather than score high on my exams.
I would rather have a few great friends, than a lot of acquaintances.
I would rather be alone and be at peace with myself, than be surrounded by seemingly fun-loving people who have nothing better to do than to gossip and judge others.
I would rather be in the background contented with a simple life, than being an attention seeker in the front row.

Never too late to know...

What happens when I need help...

2010-06-30T15:57:00.003+08:00

Awoken by the excruciating stomach abdominal pain.
Loo.
Couldn't feel my fingers anymore.
Numbness.
I thought I couldn't talk also.
Gathered all my energy to shout to sis.

Relief. She heard.
I got drinking water from her.
Drank.
Same. No better.
Prayed for pain to go away.
Never did.
Couldn't feel my head anymore.

Crawl onto room floor.
Lie down on yoga mat.
Sis, 'are you going to die?'
So funny.
'Yes, I am going to die.'
Sis, 'please don't die....'
............

Sis called father to come bring me to the doctors.
Never been more relieved that father is just around, working at Jurong.
He was here in just less than an hour, perhaps?
I was already much better.
He cooked porridge and I fall into a deep sleep..... zzzzzz

Woke up at 330pm and ate porridge.
Contemplated to skip class.
Help! Needed help with signing attendance..
Names flashes across.
Funny how usually these names are always the stable and nice people around in class.

Today, I am saved.
Thanks to my angels...

Just as well

2010-06-29T15:45:00.001+08:00

Come to think of it...
It is just as well that I do not have a fantastic career and money and car right now.
5 years ago, I told myself I am going to be independent, career-minded and live by myself.
If I tell this to anyone, who will believe me?
I don't look exactly like an independent person.
At least I don't think I look like one, to others.
For I got terminated by my previous boss because he said I am not independent enough.
What the world is wrong with him? Do I really appear like that to him?
Sometimes I don't know if there is something wrong with me, or something wrong with the world.

Anyway, 5 years later, I still have nothing to own.
No possessions.
Nothing.
But I have one thing - I have God.

Just as well that so far the jobs offered to me are always temporary.
Just as well that the PA contract job didn't fall through.
Just as well that I have plenty of time at home to think about my life.
Because God keep talking to me.
No one else is.

In the quietness and stillness, you are there God.
Always there.

If I got a fantastic career right now, I will cloud God out of my life again.
I am sure.
For I am always so easily distracted.
God, help me!

Throne

2010-06-29T13:20:00.004+08:00

MOrning woke up with this word ringing in my heads:

"Who is on the throne of my life?"

Remembering the words of Claudia when she spoke this a couple of weeks ago in service.
Although I will acknowledge Christ as the center of my life, how many times did other things take this throne?

Like when I place my agenda as of higher importance, then my agenda became my god.
When I place my relationships with others of higher importance than with my God, then my relationships with others became my god.
Or when I place my revision times above my time with God, my exams subtly also became my god.
When I place my own leisure times above my time with God, myself became my god.

Funny how easy it is to cloud God out of everyday life if not careful.
How easy it is to sing 'YOu are the center of my life', and then next moment, de-throne God with my own will.

It is so not easy to remember this 24/7...

Thinking about the dearest person I have living with me next room, I know she has never intended to have God in her life.
She doesn't need to because everyone always give in to her anyway.
She doesn't have a lack.
The truth is, I don't have a lack either.
But I want God in my life.
Not because so that my life will be more blessed.
But because I want to know God more.
I want to fall in love with God.
I want to know God's love, God's goodness, which never fails.

Emotions, People, Decisions

2010-06-29T00:48:00.002+08:00

I tell myself at the beginning of today that I shall just focus on studies alone.
Don't think about anything else at all!
And I remember the sms Lirong send me yesterday - Amy, don't think so much. Just focus on studies.

Easy to say... sometimes very hard to put into application.

Because, I realized I am born with emotions.
When something stir my heart, I will surely think about that thing.

Morning breakfast with Sharon
We talked about Toy Story 3 again.
I shared that I love the 3 peas in a pod from Toy Story...
She squealed! I got excited... And I thought about whether I should search for 3-peas-in-a-pod from the shopping center... maybe action city...
Think think...

Noon sms from father.
"Shall we meet for dinner?"
Okay, he misses us again.
Sure, will meet him for dinner. After all, he must be working so hard that he just wants to see us for the evening.
Why not...?
So, I think about father again...

Noon revision at Starbucks.
Sharon came after a while.
Broke the news that she is breaking up with Andy for good.
Heard about that a few years ago already.
Now it is really real.
I feel so sorry for Andy.
He is just too nice to sis... now this thing happens, I really is expecting Andy to break down... Sigh...
But seriously, it is better now or never.
Think about it, Andy and sis is intellectually so far apart.
It will be a huge mountain of problems if they got married.
Really.

I think about my own 'missing link' aka life partner as well.
Who? When?
I thought this person A is ok... until... I got negative feedback about him.
I thought that person B is ok... until... I got pissed / hurt by some comments / actions.
I thought maybe person C is better... until... I got tired of the 'waiting game'.
Think think.
Things seems so bleak sometimes.
I thought about those who are married, apparently happily.
But it is not really happily as well.
Sigh.
Life has to be better than this.

Midway through revision, I surfed across Shiyan's facebook.
And I thought about the 'decision' she announced a few days ago.
I thought about my 'decision' made a few days ago as well.
Is this really a good 'decision' made?
Should I go ahead with this decision or discard it?
Ponders.
Think think.

Evening time, I thought about person B again.
He's trying to get my attention? Mum says...
Really...?
But need to be so overwhelming or not?

Sighz....
See the long train of thoughts that flood through my mind in a single day.
If only I can stop thinking about all these issues... and start thinking about exams only...
If only I could!!!!
Urghhh!!!

A little bit more

2010-06-28T13:32:00.000+08:00

One step away from victory.

A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more.

A little bit more.

Never Forget

2010-06-28T00:20:00.000+08:00

Burn it on my heart, Lord.

I shall guard my relationship with you from today onwards!

Although the heart is willing, sometimes the flesh is weak.
How many times did other concerns / procrastination gets the better of me?

The living word of God.
Freshness. Newness.
Never stifle it.
Let it come.
Holy Spirit come and fill me.

Toy Story 3

2010-06-27T15:54:00.000+08:00

Fellowship.
Ruth, Lirong, Sherry.

Weee...! The ultimate chill out / enjoyment before revision...

Although I didn't really think the movie plot is really great (as opposed to what sis thought), I thought Ken and Barbie in the movie is damn cute! Ken is G**-damn gay, muscular, sweet-talker, & it was simply fascinating to see how he invoke the lust in Barbie. And no wonder Sharon was commenting on it. I can fully understand now. Either love him or hate him, although it is hard to hate, really. So love him but just don't admit it.

I like especially the little girl at the end of the story which depicts such an innocence, that simply captures the attention of the elder brother. I thought about how we should sometimes just trust in God's sovereign goodness, mercy and grace and live freely, without worries and concern. Having a quiet sense of trust in the Lord that everything will be alright. Things are not as serious as it seems sometimes. Relax!

Life should be as colorful as Toy Story, really.

Give me some colors, God!

Old friends are better.

2010-06-26T23:28:00.000+08:00

Some.

Went to Edwin's wedding today.
A 'boy' I know since about 5 years ago perhaps?
Suddenly, he got attached, and suddenly he is married, today!
I still cannot believe it.
Time doesn't wait for people...
And I feel old now.
For I am 1 year older than him.
So, he getting married makes me feel old... :S

Good thing is, he doesn't change after he got married.
He is still so crappy! Thank God! :D
At least I still have a crappy friend in him.

Catch up with an 'old' shepherd aka lao aunty, and shared about life.
Learn about one important thing:
It is possible to neglect the being (and don't even realize it myself).
Everyone can look ok on the outside, but on the inside full of struggles/disappointments.
That is why, it is important to always look to God for comfort and strength.
No amount of cg programs / services / people can really help you for this.

Problems will always exist.
Sometimes it is good that they exist so that we don't get too comfortable.
We learn to look to God.

Situations will still remain the same.
It cannot change for we are just stuck with the same people and issues day in day out.
But I can change my own attitude and response.

When I think about all the wonderful leaders in church who have been serving years in years out, I am suddenly full of admiration for them.
They have been doing it stably for years, and I doubt I will even hear them say, 'I quit!'.
Some are doing it behind the scenes and until I ask them today, I wouldn't even know the sacrifices they have done!
Therefore, they really deserve something. Rewards in heaven.

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-20T20:34:00.000+08:00

It was Sunday.
Woke up to rush down for service.
No time for make-up, the usual girl things... whatever, who cares.
Though it is good to take good care of ourselves, but 1 Pet 3:3-4 emphasizes inward beauty isn't it so?
Therefore, to me and whoever who cares to read this blog, Be secure! :D
Besides, it takes a lot of effort and time to put on make up everyday.
So, just save time and money.

At the bus stop, I spend a really long time waiting for the bus.
Meanwhile, I looked around and saw two couples walking pass the bus stop.
This is the picture of the first one I saw - the old lady having leg pain and limping, while the old man is holding her hands and walking along.

How sweet...
I wonder how many couples last like that until that age.
I think about myself now, and I thank God I can still walk properly.
Can run, can swim, can jump.
If something happen to me, and I started limping, who is going to take care of me?
Unless there is a second Joshua Lim in the world, but he is already taken! Hahaha...

And then, minutes later, I saw an opposite sight.
It was also a couple, but the old man was walking IN FRONT of the old lady, while the old lady and trying her best to walk in front.
Of course, it is not good to judge people at first sight.
But I wonder, why couldn't the old man slow down to walk beside the old lady?
Is it that difficult to slow down and just patiently walk beside her?
Maybe my expectations is too high.
Or maybe I have been seeing too many good examples of good husband in the church, so this has become my first reaction.
I guess my future BF or husband must learn to be a patient person then.

Well, enuf said, I went for service and was reminded of Father's Day.
Had a sudden impulse to wish Michael a Happy Father's Day!
Will be doing that later... hopefully it won't make him feel old suddenly.

Besides Michael, dinner was the real Father's Day dinner with my real earthly father.
We had food at Dian Xiao Er and we took a family photo together.
(I remember the words Shiyan told me last year: Amy, you must take a photo with your father and your loved ones because you never know when they will never be with you anymore.)

It was a simple dinner.
But, I thank God for the many years of sweat and blood that my father put in to bring us up financially.
How he guide me and my sister in some of our decisions, encourage us, and being responsible always to ensure we are really well fed.
Generally, my sister and I had a fairly good life because of father's hard work.
It's been a good 25 years.
It is time he can really shake leg.
In a few years time.

Anyways, it was shopping time after dinner!

Girls, who can resist products on offer?! :D