My Smile

Why does my smile seems to be brighter, and happier 4 years ago compare to today?

What happen to my believing heart, my child-like faith, my God-placed hope?
Is it because people caused my heart to be more skeptical thus it is more difficult to smile simply?
Is it because I failed to believe in God's plan and promises for me anymore?
Or is it due to 'old' age?

Why why why...
I haven't meet the sun face to face for ages.
I haven't 'played' for ages, had fun like I love it to be.
It rains everytime I wanted to.
I ended up in bed sleeping.
Thinking about things I don't want to.

ESPECIALLY GRUMBLING WHY AM I STILL DOING MY DEGREE WHEN I SHOULD HAVE GRADUATE BY NOW IF I HAVE LISTENED TO A*E AND TAKEN THAT ACCELERATED KAPLAN DEGREE WHICH TAKES ONLY 18 MTHS COMPARE TO STUPID MDIS DEGREE WHICH TAKES 36 MTHS AND A PAINFUL LOT OF TRAVELING, AND I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP EVERYTIME BUT KNOWING THIS WAY OUT IS OUT. AND HAVING LECTURERS WHO TALK SO MUCH THINGS I HAVE SIMPLY NOT MUCH INTEREST TO KNOW AND HAVE SIMPLY NO AVAILABLE OUTLET TO APPLY.
WHAT A DRAG! LIFE SIMPLY S*, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO WORK FULL TIME KNOWING THAT THIRD YEAR CONSISTS OF 70%, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO FLUNK ANYTHING. AND I AM SIMPLY NOT C* ENOUGH TO HANDLE BOTH FULL TIME WORK AND STUDIES. YET I AM SO WORRIED FOR MY CAREER LIFE THAT IT IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE PUT ON HOLD FOR ONE YEAR, AND HOW AM I GOING TO BE OF MARKET VALUE ONE YEAR LATER, I HAVE NO IDEA. GOD, TELL ME.


Don't forget I am the envy of other people who have simply no financial means to work part-time, so I ought to be thankful. I am lucky. You, Miss Amy Low is considered lucky. So you ought to smile now.