A change of hair for a change of mood

No mood to go for class...
Want to skip class...
But go home also boring.
Go class also boring.
So sucky!
So decided to cut hair...
Cut very very short.
Could be shorter, but decided to leave the bold step to the next time round.
Contemplated dying hair blonde, but can't.
I am supposed to work as part time tutor, so I can't scare my students.
Did brown blonde.
Okay, quite like it
Don't think it looks like hooker at all.
Probably a nerdy jap school girl maybe.
Whatever.

A change of hair, and a change of mood.

Why so bad mood oh my soul.
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God.
For I will yet praise Him.

My Smile

Why does my smile seems to be brighter, and happier 4 years ago compare to today?

What happen to my believing heart, my child-like faith, my God-placed hope?
Is it because people caused my heart to be more skeptical thus it is more difficult to smile simply?
Is it because I failed to believe in God's plan and promises for me anymore?
Or is it due to 'old' age?

Why why why...
I haven't meet the sun face to face for ages.
I haven't 'played' for ages, had fun like I love it to be.
It rains everytime I wanted to.
I ended up in bed sleeping.
Thinking about things I don't want to.

ESPECIALLY GRUMBLING WHY AM I STILL DOING MY DEGREE WHEN I SHOULD HAVE GRADUATE BY NOW IF I HAVE LISTENED TO A*E AND TAKEN THAT ACCELERATED KAPLAN DEGREE WHICH TAKES ONLY 18 MTHS COMPARE TO STUPID MDIS DEGREE WHICH TAKES 36 MTHS AND A PAINFUL LOT OF TRAVELING, AND I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP EVERYTIME BUT KNOWING THIS WAY OUT IS OUT. AND HAVING LECTURERS WHO TALK SO MUCH THINGS I HAVE SIMPLY NOT MUCH INTEREST TO KNOW AND HAVE SIMPLY NO AVAILABLE OUTLET TO APPLY.
WHAT A DRAG! LIFE SIMPLY S*, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO WORK FULL TIME KNOWING THAT THIRD YEAR CONSISTS OF 70%, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO FLUNK ANYTHING. AND I AM SIMPLY NOT C* ENOUGH TO HANDLE BOTH FULL TIME WORK AND STUDIES. YET I AM SO WORRIED FOR MY CAREER LIFE THAT IT IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE PUT ON HOLD FOR ONE YEAR, AND HOW AM I GOING TO BE OF MARKET VALUE ONE YEAR LATER, I HAVE NO IDEA. GOD, TELL ME.


Don't forget I am the envy of other people who have simply no financial means to work part-time, so I ought to be thankful. I am lucky. You, Miss Amy Low is considered lucky. So you ought to smile now.

Heart.

The human heart is a funny thing...

We hurt the ones who adore us.
We adore the ones who hurt us.
It is true to a certain extent.
I wish I was less emotional than I really am.

If life is meant to be lived, it is meant to be lived.
No wonder, it is ---.

I should defend the ones I love.

Today H**e helped to 'defend' me. Can sense it.
Almost choke on my laughter when I heard her call him 'the whitest guy'.
Almost melt when I saw the fb message.
Why did I not defend her when I saw the 'b*' who called her an old maid?
Hugged her.
Love her so much.
And also her hug brings so much warmth to me.
Especially when... obviously around.
Forgive & forget?
Yeap.

Remembered the friendship Pr*** extended.
Well, people accuse her. Quite a lot.
Why did I believe the people who accuse her?
I believe in Ja**.
Should I not also believe in Pr***?

As for A*e, all I can say is I gave my best.
She is much too ...
I decided I won't be affected by her comments.
Anyway, my conscious is clear.
I never talked about her behind her back.
Even when people talked negatively about her.
What else can I say?
I've even scolded my sis who attacked her for me.
Simple given up on her.

The whole 'group' of the ex-S?
Kind of sad all of them left.
More affected that they are disillusioned.
I can only say, I need my conviction from the Lord.

I will love T**g and S***y from my heart.
Even when extra pat***** is needed.

And the group in M?
Hmmm...
(zhe shi wo de xin zhong hua, xiang huan hui de xin zhong hua... bu zhi dao neng huan hui ma de xin zhong hua... xi wang neng shi xian de xin zhong hua... dan you mei yong qi mian dui de shi shi...ying wei... xin zhong de shi ji you wo ji zi ming bai... )

Actually........
The birds are crooking again... :)
I like to hear the birds crook.
When they say, follow your heart, you should follow your heart.

This is a post that only I understand.
Because it is not meant to be understood.
Ironically, the person who helped to trigger so much,
Is the person I hate to love. Gun needed please.

In 7 days...

All 'hell' will break loose.
I am going sun tanning with Fen.
Catching Despicable Me with whoever, whatever.
Hitting the gym twice weekly.
And I so don't care, I haven't go Sentosa beach in ages, I am going with whoever, whatever.
And I am so going to go KTV for the first time since 2 years ago... Yes, since 2 years ago!
And I am so excited...

Except that I haven't found any khaki except Ah Fen.

Basically, whoever whatever.....

Being thankful for...

What have I done to deserve such kindness, grace, acceptance, friendship from people?
None.
It is simply favor from God, I guess.

I hope the same will happen to my workplace in future.

Quotes to live by...

Doing everything for God's glory not mine.

Don't compare myself with others. Compare myself with what God has planned for me.

I did not choose God. God choose me.

Do not be discourage or weary because the fruits will come. (Even though I have no idea how the fruits look like.)

Envision growing to be a blessing to others, just as God have blessed me.

Lastly, keep God's word in my heart daily, every moment, every second.

Laugh or cry?

Live your life in such a way that when you enter, the world rejoices, and when you leave, the world cries.
(And not the other way round.)

I am not sure if I have done that for anyone, but I am thankful for someone who did that to me.
After this month, you will be deeply missed, friend.